Extremely nigh

The woman with the carrier bags outside tesco is wearing a huge board declaring, I TRUST IN JESUS, the sun's rays are streaming over the gasworks and the pigeons outside the deli have been replaced by four pure white doves. Possibility of rapture: medium to rising. Possibility of getting my money back from that stupid bet:falling fast.

The vaguely sinister Cardinal Ratzinger was just declared Pope Benedict XVI, and any hope of a more liberal approach from the vatican went up the chimney with the ballot papers. Preventing overpopulation will continue to be a sin, as the Vatican continues to ensure that a woman's place remains in a very over-crowded home.

Urbi et Orbi indeed.