The greatest love of all

I think I've had a bit too much to drink tonight. I was talking to the adverts again.

"...Imagine a world where your loyalty is rewarded, and the good offers aren't just for new customers."

"Please be O2. Please. Please."

"See our website to see what O2 can do for you."

"Yes!"

In my life I've cheated and abused my girlfirend, argued with female relatives, and compulsively lied to my managers. But if there's one thing in my life I've been loyal to, it's my phone company. And it looks as if all my loyalty is finally about to be rewarded.

We've been together five years now. It's our anniversary next month.