What can you do?

That's what I've been asking. It turns out for someone with a few certificates, I'm remarkably difficult to employ.

I've spent the past four weeks searching every London borough within the three zones (There's at least 20 on my bookmarks), searching for a social work assistant post that doesn't require a car. There's a few, and I've got the application form down to a fine art, but social services departments so far aren't exactly queuing at my door. They've been outside next door a lot lately though. My neighbour's not a well man.

Hackney's definitely the most profitable place for me to work, with a social work assistant starting on 23,000, a full thousand more than a newly qualified social worker gets in Hertfordshire. It's a bit more dangerous though.

Kensington & Chelsea looks pretty good, with an office on the trendy Portabello Road, a very liveable 18,500 salary and a 3 star rating. It's also the only borough I can get across.

Tower Hamlets have a few posts that look optimistic, but it's hospital social work, which wasn't completely what I had in mind. But it would be fantastic experience.

I'm doing a lot of research into the social services job market in the south east at the minute. Depressing fact of the day was that a "cleansing operative" for Croydon Council earns 700 a year more than I do at the minute. And I beat none of them are turning grey at 25.

Maybe the sensible thing was not to print the advert out, circle the salary and leave it on Manager's desk. I think I need to ask for a pay rise in a manner less liley to cause offence....