Where there's a Willesden there's a way

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

Last day

I'm listening to Martin Collins on Virgin Radio. It's like having an old friend back.

No-one really understands this time of night like Martin Collins, and he plays and says exactly what I'm feeling this time of night when I listen to the radio. I remember him on Capital when I was much younger; he'd always been the chilled-out one to follow the increasingly annoying Neil Fox, and when I was up late doing coursework, I really appreciated the company. I lost touch sometime after that, and it's great to see that he's back on the late slot. The show's moved on, as has his life, and he gets so many messages from people who listened as kids and found him again as grown-ups.

Of course, the return of Mellow Madness was always going to put me in that sort of mood, and given that tomorrow's the last day of the job I really wanted to keep, I'm reflecting on what I have to do next.

I've accepted that I'm not going to get over my sense of injustice just yet, but it's not quite as sore as it was three weeks ago. I remember how much we all rooted for the managers when all of their jobs were in jeopardy, and it worked out well for them. Unfortunately, down at my end of the scale, it hasn't. I can't hold this against Manager, and although I've looked for other people to blame, it really does just come down to money.

I was closing my cases today, and I've got a few loose ends to tie up tomorrow. And then after that I have to go back on Friday and start doing my old job again. I'm not looking forward to it at all, but what I've always done working in this place is bounce back. When I've had a particularly bad day, I've come back from it by coming in early the next day with my best shirt and tie and just faced it head on. It's never been easy to do, but this week it just seems so much harder. I can, and have done, incredibly difficult things in this job, and faced it all again. I've never had to do it with this nagging sense of being shat on, and I haven't felt this way for as long as this. I was absolutely set on resigning when I got into work this morning, and that feeling still hasn't completely gone away.

But to walk away now is to give up, and so far I've come a long way in this line of work by never doing that. I have to accept that the next month or two is going to be hard for me in the hardest way possible, keep my eyes open for opportunities to move on, and just remind myself that something usually does come up. For now, that's going to have to do. And getting a driving licence would definitely help.

But for now, I just need to go out and get really drunk tomorrow night. I'm calling it a celebration, despite the obvious evidence to the contrary, as it is. Despite the fact that I'm not going to be able to do it any longer, I have to cling to the fact that I've achieved a lot in these three months, and that's something to celebrate.

From 8 in my local if anyone wants to join me.


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