Where there's a Willesden there's a way

Monday, March 07, 2005

Look crap in anger

I was in the pub when my mate brought up the job issue.

"I'm not really sure if we've got anything in the company at the minute."
"Oh, don't take any notice of that. I sent that text in Bargaining."

I can safely say that I've passed through most of the major phases of grief today. I was never much good at denial, thank god.

As I predicted in the last post, my job's pretty much coming to an end at the end of the month. Which means I have to resume my old post of secretary, say goodbye to all my clients, and take a pretty substantial pay cut. I was quite up for a dramatic gesture topped with my letter of resignation. But, let's face it, they really don't pay the bills. I think I briefly passed through Despair for the first time when Manager was giving me the news, coupled with profound apologies. It turns out I had a vein popping out through my forehead, and really didn't look too good.

I went through Anger, soon after talking to Manager about the lack of a new job. She'd asked me to come up with a list detailing our concerns about the new computer system. I'd produced a very detailed list of concerns, and she'd asked me to pass it round the team.

"It's point number four that I'm a bit worried about. 'IRIS has reduced staff morale, damaged our care management responsibilities, and, worst of all, made me lose my faith in a just and moral God. Because if there was one, the Iris team would have been wiped out in an al-Quida atrocity....'"

She stared at me for a little longer. " 'Because having spent time with these people, give me a set of boxcutters and, hell, I'd do it."

Manager was quite understanding today, and asked me to rewrite it.

Bargaining occurred about 12.15, when I pretty much decided to up sticks and move to Mexico. I'd decided to resign, get a dodgy temp job for a while, and then move out to Latin America and teach disabled street kids or something. I've always believed that good decisions are not made when overcome with emotion, so I'm not going to make any major career moves when I'm in this kind of mood.

Acceptance came after about my third drink this evening. I've been really good at this job, but it still doesn't mean I get to keep it. Which means maybe it's time to go and do something else. But I'll think about that one later.


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