The highlights show

I think I've been off on one more than usual this week. Here's a few highlights.

Brother took me bowling with his workmates on Wednesday in Hemel. Very much mindful that the last time I went bowling (4 years ago) I went nuts, I tried hard to be as normal as possible.

"Can I get you a drink?

"Yes."

"Do you want ice in your coke?"

"No."

Obviously, it didn't last. Although I did manage to keep quiet on the subject of Hemel, I wish I could say the same about my theories of corporate mind control. Several JD and cokes later...

"No, machines aren't going to take over the planet, we'll wreck it before that. The thing we should be worried about is humans acting like machines. And that's not hard."

"We'll never start acting like machines. We're too human."

"You wait. I was reading a book about a world in which there's a surgical cure for imagination."

"People would never go for that."

"Yes they would. People would be queueing up to have bits removed from their brains. If the papers decide it's in their interests, they'll make them do it."

"Papers don't make people do things."

"Yes they do. The Mail's already decided to get people to stop having their children vaccinated. For a laugh."

But no, very little word on Hemel. Technically, that counts as my best behaviour.

Last night, too, I managed to offend an entire tube carriage. Me and a friend were talking loudly, encouraged by an attractive passenger who seemed to find us funny. My friend explained at length why the lack of air conditioning on the tube was probably the thing that was going to kill us. So, apparently I thought this was a good time to go off on a tangent.

"It's 2004. We were supposed to be living on the moon by now. You'd think air conditioning on the tube wouldn't be too much to ask for."

Another member of a group leant over to Attractive Passenger, who was smiling. "Sorry about these two; they're always like this."

"No, they've got a good point" she smiled. "All this money we've wasted on the dome, and they can't do up the tube."

I agreed "Yep, and Trident. And invading Iraq."

Coincidentally, at that point, the air in the carriage seemed to chill slightly. We got off at the next stop.