The Beast of Borehamwood

Sometimes I think my colleagues are losing it, particularly when I mention pets and the talk immediately turns to Big Cats.

Yes, Big Cats prowling round the fields that protect the rest of the South East from Borehamwood, maiming innocent wildlife, small dogs and maybe, just maybe, the occasional innocent child. If a resident of the town even sees a cat this week, immediately people start seeing wild beasts everywhere. I was wondering why that was, until I saw this report in the Borehamwood Times.

"There are fears that a leopard-like cat is on the loose in the fields of Borehamwood after the carcass of a swan was found hanging from a tree."

Briefly suggesting that Borehamwood might just be a pleasant place to live, the report goes on to say that
"Danny Bamping, founder of the British Big Cat Society says it is possible the swan was killed and taken up the tree by a big cat — either a leopard or a puma.
He said: 'There's no other animal in the British Isles that could've taken that swan up a tree.'"

Of course, it's only in the final paragraphs that a slightly more likely explanation arises, as the report gives a cursory nod to an actual expert from the RSPCA.

"Our main concern is that youths were involved. We've seen them do a lot worse — and it's not just youths. A swan was stoned to death by adults."

What's more likely? A puma or cheetah roaming wild in the green and pleasant fields of Borehamwood, picking off small animals on its way. Or a series of burberry-clad ratboys pouring off the estates of one of Hertfordshire's most deprived towns, searching for property, pets, people -anything- to hurt and destroy in an expression of impotent and hopeless rage against poverty, boredom and the world in general.

You don't have to spend much time in the town to find the most likely explanation. But maybe the real Beast of Borehamwood is just too scary to really imagine.