Ten four

I'm struggling at the minute to come up with something original to say about the election.

Short of the usual Bush-bashing (which I really have done to death now) and lots of cliches like "Too close to call" and "electoral irregularities." Yes, us Europeans are never going to understand the flag-waving and continuous pandering to patriotism, the unconvincing attempts by two rich white men to be men of the people, or how anyone could take either of the wooden puppets seriously. But it's a different culture entirely over there where "public" and "liberal" are pretty mcuh insults, and within a different political culture and we have to trust in our American cousins to make the right choice. Which is obviously to dump the half-wit they've currently got.

From the massive queues outside the polling stations it's pretty clear that whatever's being said is being said loudly. Do I hear a distant echo of '97 and "Things can only get better?" Well, you never know. At the end of the day, too close to call, down to the wire etc. Wow, it must be so easy to be a copy writer on ITV news.

How about this one then. Sun disappearing behind an all-suffocating black cloud. Caption "If George Bush wins tonight, will the last person on earth please turn out the lights?" It's probably been done before.

Let's face it, everything else has been.