Blame it on the blog

Lager-soaked rat girls have taken over the streets, cars are swerving on the pavements, and my colleague's called me to say an infestation of giant spiders is causing panic attacks. This can only mean one thing; I'm back in Blogspace.

Since my phone died abruptly on me on Monday, I had a surprisingly quiet week. I couldn't blog without email, and suddenly I had nothing to blog. Whole conversations would go by without a single non-sequituir, and even my sleeping started to get back to normal.

On Wednesday I finally managed to restore my phone, and innocently went to the video shop to rent Shawn of the Dead. Stepping out of the door, a crowd of feral teenagers were having an argument, when the one in the white baseball cap threw his can of lager on the floor, causing it to explode over the girl opposite. There was a similar crowd laying waste to a phone box, and another stocking up on valuable carbohydrates outside McDonalds. I tried to disappear into my coat and pretend to be invisible, when the annoyingly catchy drumbeat I had as a ringtone echoed out. White baseball caps raised slightly, and my caller sounded mildly agitated.

"They're absolutely massive. There's four of them floating in the sink, and I sucked another three up in the hoover and now I'm afraid to turn it off."

"Spiders, right?"

"Yes, spiders! They're about the size of my palm, and they're everywhere. You didn't believe me today when I said how scared I was, but can you hear it in my voice?"

"Well, you sound a bit scared."

"I'm terrified. They're eveywhere."

After recommending some simple defensive precautions against spider plagues, a car nonchalantly mounted the pavement and narrowly missed me and the crowd of rat boys behind me. Suddenly, Shawn of the Dead didn't seem so weird.

I blame the blog. Does that mean weird stuff didn't happen before I got one?