Where there's a Willesden there's a way

Monday, May 03, 2004

I'm finding it a challenge to write at the minute. I'm all over the place, and certain themes are coming up far too much. They're things like:

I really feel like I want to throw out all the technology I own. I'm thinking of just buying one really good mobile phone, and either flogging or throwing out, well, everything. Like the laptop with the series of weird faults. And the piece of shit PDA I bought last year that's become the most expensive bookmark I own. One or both of them are just one error from being smashed with a club hammer in a cathartic and costly healthy emotional outburst.

Fact is, I'm not very good with technology. I just don't have the knack- although I'm damn fast at using and learning to use computers, that bit's fine, but then they start going wrong and I can't do a thing about it. Tech support seems to consist of "Is computer plugged in?", "Check exception #23443653a or "You need to buy a new one."

My trainers let in water, and a Thermos Flask nearly made me start crying today.

Probably none of this would be a problem, but I've gone into my holiday week really stressed, and my sodding birthday (with the exception of Saturday night), nearly pushed me over the edge. I've been very emotionally honest this week, which has been a lot for people to take, and a lot of people don't react well to someone who's down at a time like their birthday (although I get like this at Christmas too).

"Miserable" has become a bit of an insult, usually followed by "old git". But I don't make any apologies for not being happy at the minute. There's no way I could magically make myself happy right now, and sure as hell I'm not pretending.

Besides, it will come. A holiday will help. And so will a lie-in, a brisk walk, and a quiet night in with a PDA and a club hammer.


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