The Manager
Tesco
Borehamwood

Dear Sir,

I have noticed that a recent reorganisation of your store has moved the sandwich section, clearly recognisable as the most busy section of the shop, to a new position where even less room is available than before, resulting in shoppers having to jostle for position and offering a great reduction in the available choice. It does, however, give an unusual prominence to custard doughnuts.

I’m at a loss to explain this change. My best theories are that it is a misguided attempt to provide better customer service, or yet another expression of your thinly veiled hatred of the scum that pass through your store.

Whilst I will not question the validity of your feelings, I would like to request humbly that you restrict your seething hatred of your customers to decisions that do not directly inconvenience me. For example, you may wish to resume playing Christmas music, or decreeing in future that the festive season begins even earlier.

Yours, as ever,